


Siblings-Burb

by ambrolen



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dave Strider and Jade Harley are siblings, Gen, John Egbert and Rose Lalonde are Siblings, implied dave/john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-25 09:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17722361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambrolen/pseuds/ambrolen
Summary: AU in which Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde actually get together when they first meet and raise their kids together. Joey Claire takes custody of Jade because she remembers her dad not being great at raising kids, and also manages to get custody of Dave.This AU was thought up with the help of CalumTraveler and Kansasjustgotgayer (not sure if the latter is on AO3)





	1. Birthday Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little teaser to get things started! I don't know how much I'm going to change based on this relationship dynamic; I just wanted to explore it for a bit. Future chapters planned, but not on any strict schedule.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and today is your 13TH BIRTHDAY. Your older step-sister ROSE LALONDE turned 13 a whole four months ago and she won’t stop holding it over your head.  
  
Now that you’ve caught up in age, the PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT is again up for grabs.

  
Rose had previously held it for not only being older, but also leaving ESOTERIC MESSAGES around your room, which she claims she didn’t put there. They all only contain one word written over and over, “MEOW.” For not being the one descended from the legendary prankster COLONEL SASSACRE, your sister sure is a natural!  
  
For now you plan to get her back with a good ol’ CAKE IN THE FACE PRANK. Which should be easy enough with the EXCESSIVE NUMBER of cakes your parents have been baking.  
  
Your Dad even managed to sneak one up with you in your TREEHOUSE! Your step-mom must have helped him with this one, since there’s a SHITTY WIZARD drawn on top in sparkling BLUE FROSTING.  
  
But for now it’s time to go back to your REGULAR HOUSE since your GUESTS should be arriving soon, namely DAVE STRIDER and his step-sister JADE HARLEY. Their adopted mom, JOEY CLAIRE, will also be hanging out to catch up with your mom, since your mom used to BABYSIT her apparently. Dave is a great bro to hang around. A really good dude. You think he’s pretty cool, though you’d never tell him that. You manage to get him to watch your FAVORITE MOVIES starring MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY or NICOLAS CAGE for the most part. He pretends not to like them, but why else would he keep watching them with you? Jade is super funny and is a blast to be around and even helps you plan pranks. She also has her own treehouse and has a habit of FALLING ASLEEP at random times.  
  
If that wasn’t exciting enough, today is also the day the SBURB BETA should arrive! The others have already gotten their copies (including your sister), but due to a shipping issue, yours was late. They’re waiting for you to get it before they start playing, though.  
  
As you climb down your ladder to head back inside, you see your sister carved “MEOW” into one of the rungs. Oh, that prankster! Got you again.  
  
You see her when you get back to the house and mention the carving, but she feigns ignorance. Just another part of her EPIC, LONGFORM PRANK!

* * *

  
Your name is ROSE LALONDE and it is your step-brother’s 13TH BIRTHDAY. Now you will no longer be able to hold over him that you’re older. At least, not until December rolls around again. You are currently locked in a PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE battle with JOHN, which now that he’s the same age as you, will put the two of you on even ground. He keeps leaving WEIRD CLOWN DRAWINGS all over your things, all the while claiming you would do something as inane as writing MEOW over his things. He just now accused you of doing it again on the rungs of his TREEHOUSE LADDER, which is, frankly, him trying too hard. All the while he feings ignorance of the clown drawings he keeps leaving everywhere.  
  
You are also locked in a passive aggressive war with your PARENTAL FIGURES. Your MOTHER has just suggested you go change before guests arrive. You politely agree to and come back down in the FRILLIEST, LACY DRESS you could find. Your mother says it looks lovely and your father agrees. Hrm. You suppose they win this round.  
  
You are quite excited for DAVE, JADE, and JOEY to arrive, though. The dynamic between Joey and your mother is always very interesting to analyze. Dave is interested in the MACABRE like you, but more so about OLD DEAD THINGS rather than OCCULT FORCES, but he also likes to watch John’s TERRIBLE MOVIES. Jade is interested in the SCIENCES, though, again, not of OCCULT or even PSYCHOLOGICAL origins, but she knows a surprising amount of BIOLOGY and PHYSICS and even has her own GARDEN. She mostly just grows PUMPKINS, though.  
  
Today is also exciting because John will finally get his copy of SBURB, a game which you and your two friends have been anxious to play, but agreed to wait until John could play as well. Jade had once told you it was important for you all to play, but, ever the enigma, she has not clarified why. You remain intrigued, however, primarily due to the suggestion it has something to do with your dearly departed pet cat, JASPERS. Maybe soon you will be able to solve the mystery of his death and the secret he passed to you so long ago.  
  
But for now, you wait for GUESTS and PRESENTS and LITTLE FLAPPY THINGS ON MAILBOXES.


	2. Guests Arrive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Jade make it to the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter

You are JOHN EGBERT and your guests have finally arrived! They bring their presents and set it on the table, Dave sort of haphazardly and Jade with the utmost care on her placement, near the edge. What a couple of dorks! Joey is here as well, and looks like she brought some non-alcoholic ciders. Which you’re still not allowed to drink because they SAID SO. Which is fine. You much prefer soda. But you did also get some APPLE JUICE for your GOOD FRIEND DAVE. He’s such a cool dude.

With everyone here, it’s time to cut the cake! Which one? Just whichever happens to be on the dining room table. This one has two SHITTY WIZARDS both in blue icing on it. Your mom sticks thirteen candles in the cake and lights them, and your friends and family all sing Happy Birthday to you.

When it’s time to blow out the candles, you ask Rose to come over and join you in blowing them out as reward for a good prank played. She is suspicious, but with an encouraging look from Mom, she walks over. You both take in deep breaths and as you exhale, you bring your hand up behind Rose’s head. As soon as all the candles are out, you slam her face into the cake, getting icing all over her FANCY DRESS.

Oh, no! Rookie mistake. You didn’t mean to mess up something that nice! The PRANKSTERS GAMBIT is in her corner for sure! She puts on a brave face as you offer to let her smash your face into the cake in retribution. She agrees before either of your parents can stop you, and you’re both sent up to wash off your faces and change.

* * *

 

You are now ROSE LALONDE. Your brother has just handily won a PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BATTLE. You knew he was up to something when he offered to have you help blow out the candles, but after an INTENSE STARE-DOWN with your mother, you thought the only way to win was to agree. But he ended up helping your war against Mother by RUINING your FANCY DRESS. He wanted to help you save face for not thinking of it sooner, so he, too, became covered in cake.

You have finished cleaning up and changed back into the clothes you were wearing earlier that day (hah!) and head back downstairs where John is waiting to open his presents. When you join him on the couch, you suggest he open the big one. He does and, just as you thought, it’s a large HARLEQUIN DOLL. Similar to the ELDRITCH PRINCESS your parents had gotten you for your birthday. You could tell it had originally been a regular princess doll, but in a rare non-passive-aggressive gesture, your mother customized it to your interests.

You can tell John isn’t super fond of the doll, which was obviously gotten for him in response to all the clowns he keeps drawing to taunt you. You should have thought of that, but you wanted to give him something genuinely meaningful like he gave you.

Next is Dave’s present. John opens it and his face lights up as he pulls out a RABBIT and a CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY. It is the very same rabbit from CON AIR. You wince and start to wonder if there’s a way you can knit an entirely new present in the few moments before John opens it.

You are given a few extra moments by John recreating his favorite scene and by “gifting” the bunny to Jade, who holds onto it happily and suggests he opens your present next. Drat.

You reluctantly hand your present over and John opens it, takes out the bunny, and asks if you knitted the fixed parts yourself. You confirm you did. He hugs you. You soften and hug him back. Then he re-enacts the same scene, this time bequeathing his bunny to Joey.

Joey is only able to hold it for a moment before her phone begins to ring and she regretfully informs them that she and Dave and Jade have to leave. Bec got out of the house again, somehow, and Jade is the only one who can convince him to behave and come back. She promises they can come back later today or tomorrow to hang out some more, and John swears not to open his present from her until she’s with him. Jade just laughs and says she knows he won’t.

As they headed toward their car and you all are waving them off from the doorway, Dave turns around and shouts to John that his “mail thingy is up.”

Rose had never seen either boy, or perhaps any person, blush that shade of red as Dave just helplessly points to the mailbox.

SBurb is here!


	3. Mail Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave checks to see if John got the mail

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you’re back home after helping your adopted MOM and SISTER wrangle your CRAZY FUCKING DOG, BEC. Seriously, something is up with that dog. How does he keep getting out of the house?

Whatever, you’re just bummed you missed out on seeing what Jade got your bro John for his birthday. She’s been SUPER SECRETIVE about it; mailing back and forth with some PENPAL even though you don’t think you’ve seen her actually MAIL anything out? Either way, you won’t find out tonight. Mom decided it was too late to go back over to the Egbert-Lalonde’s place. Getting that dog took so goddamn long.

You are able to hop on the computer though. Gotta check to see if John’s copy of SBURB came in today.

TG: hey john did you get it  
EB: hey dave!  
EB: yeah, I have them!  
EB: I’m installing them now even though mom and dad said we can’t start playing until tomorrow  
EB: gotta get a head start on it at least  
TG: yeah def i installed my copy like weeks ago  
EB: you mean copies  
EB: right?  
TG: no?  
EB: oh man don’t you know there’s the server and the client copies?  
EB: you should have two discs  
TG: hm  
TG: well shit  
TG: let me go see if jade has it  
TG: hang on

You go knock on Jade’s door, which is slightly ajar, but it looks like she’s ALREADY ASLEEP. Figures.

TG: shes asleep i’ll ask her tomorrow  
EB: that works  
EB: not like we can start playing until tomorrow anyway  
TG: right  
TG: rose got it installed?  
TG: *them  
EB: yeah you know rose she’s freakishly prepared  
EB: apparently jade’s been telling her something cool is going to happen?  
EB: with jaspers or something???  
EB: has she told you anything?  
TG: no she just squirrels away in her treehouse  
TG: doing god knows what  
TG: being all secretive and shit  
TG: i mean don’t get me wrong we still hang out plenty  
TG: but sometimes its like i have no idea what she’s saying  
EB: yeah i get that  
EB: rose keeps leaving “MEOW” everywhere  
TG: weird  
EB: yeah  
TG: …  
TG: hey john  
EB: yeah?  
TG: you know how you like mconohay  
EB: …  
EB: i know you only did that to annoy me  
TG: thats beside the point  
EB: fine yeah he’s such a great actor!  
EB: so charming and funny!  
EB: great in every role he’s in!  
TG: yeah that  
TG: do you  
TG: idk  
TG: like like him  
EB: dave im… not a homosexual  
EB: do YOU like like him???  
TG: what no i dont even like him  
TG: i was just checking  
EB: …  
EB: dave its okay if you are a homosexual  
TG: dude what  
TG: no im not gay  
TG: but uh you know it would be okay if you were  
EB: I’m glad we’re in agreement  
EB: that it is okay to be homosexual  
EB: even though we definitely both aren’t  
TG: yeah  
TG: that is certainly a way you phrased that  
EB: anyway my install just finished  
EB: and i think it’s time for bed  
EB: make sure to rest up, strider!  
EB: tomorrow we’re playing sburb!

You log off your computer. Why did you even bring that up in the first place? You guess you just wanted to support your best friend even if he does obviously have an unsettling crush on McConoughey. 

Yeah, that’s definitely all that was.

But John and Jade have the right idea. Time to rest up for a hard day of gaming tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're Dave! Who will we be next? The possibilities are endless!


	4. Pre-Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade and Dave get ready to play after getting trolled.

Your name is JADE HARLEY and today is the day you’ve been DREAMING about for a long time! You wake up bright and early and grab your LAPTOP and head outside to your TREEHOUSE. In your rush to get your PRESENT for JOHN done, you neglected to install the SBURB discs!

You boot up your laptop, but your happy demeanor is tarnished because SOMEONE is TROLLING you!

CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT.  
GG: oh nooooooo  
CG: SO I GUESS TODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP.  
GG: >:O  
CG: IS THERE NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?  
GG: you can leave me alone!!!!!  
GG: how can you even be talking to me after i blocked you....  
CG: YOU DON'T GET THAT I AM BETTER AND SMARTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY, FOREVER.  
CG: YOU DON'T GET THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE INCREDIBLY STUPID.  
GG: i get that youre a jerk and you should shut up!  
GG: goodbye you jerk!!!!!!!!!

UGH! You block him again and hope that stops him this time. What is it with these trolls? You just want to spend time playing a game with your brother and friends! What’s so wrong with that?

You start installing the client and server discs and try to put that out of your head.

* * *

  
You are now DAVE STRIDER and you thought you might be the first one up, but you check in on JADE’S room and of course she’s already up and in her treehouse. Man, you don’t feel like going out to talk to her. Thankfully it looks like she brought her laptop, so you hop on yours to get a hold of her. It’s the way of the modern age.

You open your laptop and immediately get trolled.

CG: HEY FUCKFACE  
CG: GO TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOUR “SISTER” WILL YOU  
CG: SHE’S BEING COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE AND WON’T LISTEN TO HER BETTERS  
CG: IE ME  
TG: how dare she  
CG: I KNOW I MEAN I KNOW SO MUCH MORE THAN ALL OF YOU  
CG: YOU KNOW SO LITTLE IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS IF IT DIDN’T MAKE ME FUCKING SICK TO MY STOMACH  
CG: SINCE YOU SEEM REASONABLE HOW ABOUT YOU TELL HER TO LISTEN TO ME  
TG: sounds like your problem dude  
TG: not mine  
CG: WHAT YOU MORONS REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND IS IT’S ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS  
CG: BUT WHATEVER WHY AM I EVEN TRYING  
CG: I CAN SEE YOU GUYS ALREADY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP AND IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN CHANGE ANY OF THAT  
CG: SINCE IT’S ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED  
TG: sure dude  
TG: anyway it’s been fun but i have a game to play  
TG: so I’m going to block you now  
CG: FINE

You block the troll and open a new chat window for your sister.

TG: hey was that troll bothering you again  
GG: yeah!!! and blocking isn’t working for some reason! >:O  
TG: yeah they must have some l33t fucking hacker skills to get around that  
TG: all i can say is just keep blocking them  
TG: or him  
TG: or her  
TG: who the fuck knows  
GG: hehehe  
TG: so anyway what i initially wanted to ask was  
TG: have you seen my copy of the server disk? I only have the client copy  
GG: no :?  
GG: I only have mine.  
TG: damn that’s going to make it harder to play  
GG: oh noooo!!!!  
TG: yeah  
TG: i’ll keep looking for it i guess  
TG: i bet bec buried it in the yard or something  
GG: …  
TG: oh god he did didnt he?  
GG: I don’t know!! But I did see him bury SOMETHING out here recently…  
GG: D:  
TG: goddamnit  
TG: he gets so territorial too  
TG: i’ll look around the house later and hopefully it turns up  
GG: yeah bec won’t like you digging up his treasure!!!  
TG: it’s my game  
TG: i mean maybe  
TG: but he can deal

You get a ping from another chat. Looks like Rose is messaging you.

TT: Did you find the other disk?  
TG: not yet  
TG: wait how do you know about that  
TT: John told me when I woke him up this morning  
TG: oh  
TT: Before he woke up he was muttering in his sleep  
TT: Something about not liking McConoughey?  
TT: You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?  
TG: uh  
TG: no comment?  
TT: Fair enough.  
TT: I’ll just extrapolate context on my own.  
TG: ugh no  
TG: fine  
TG: i was just asking him last night if he  
TG: you know  
TG: like liked mcconoughey  
TT: I see  
TT: And I assume he responded in the negative?  
TG: yeah  
TT: I don’t understand why you boys are so hesitant to talk about your same gender celebrity crushes  
TT: I talk about mine frequently enough  
TT: Emma Watson can “get it” as the kids say  
TG: its not like that  
TG: its different  
TT: If you say so  
TT: Anyway, I didn’t come on here to analyze your and John’s straight personas  
TG: didnt you  
TT: No  
TT: Maybe  
TT: But what I really want to know is which disk you’re missing  
TT: I’m trying to figure out in what order to chain our entries  
TG: im missing the server disk  
TT: I see  
TT: I will plan accordingly, but I suggest you find it quickly  
TG: yeah im working on it

You stop pestering Rose. You see a message from John pop up, but you’re not sure you’re ready to talk to him after Rose’s prying. Time to try to find your server disk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first conversation was ripped from https://www.homestuck.com/story/859 with a very minor change


	5. Pre-Game Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose gets everyone in order. Dave procrastinate

Your name is ROSE LALONDE and your conversation with DAVE didn’t go as well as you had hoped. For one thing, he still has no idea where his SERVER DISK is, which puts a wrench in your entry chain, for another, both he and your brother remain insistent that they don’t have any FEELINGS that could be construed as “GAY.”

Boys.

But it really is inconvenient that it was his server disk that has gone missing. It would be one thing to punish Dave by waiting for him to get in until he found his client disk, but now someone else is going to have to wait until he finds his server disk.

You have to be in a house for it to work, so you’re hoping the game will accept tree houses as substitutes. Your plan so far is to connect to John who will connect to Dave who will eventually connect to Jade who will connect to you. But with Dave unable to connect to Jade as soon as you hope, maybe it would be best for Dave to connect to you, since you seem the most prepared for it. You’ll mull it over.

In the meantime, you decide to see how Jade is doing.

TT:  How are you this fine morning?  
GG: hey rose!!!  
GG: I’m doing okay  
GG: just got harassed by a troll earlier but I blocked him again XP  
TT: Hopefully it sticks. Which one was it?  
GG: the SHOUTY one  
TT: It figures he’s the culprit.  
GG: Yeah but now I’m just installing the games!  
TT: Did Dave tell you he lost his?  
GG: yeah :O  
GG: we think Bec may have buried it D:  
TT: hmm that would be a problem  
GG: yeahhhhhhhh  
TT: Hopefully he can get it back himself  
TT: If not, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it  
GG: hehe yeah

There is a knocking at your door.

TT: Hold on a second  
TT: It looks like John needs something  
GG: tell him I said hiiiii!!!  
TT: Will do

You open the door.

Rose: Jade says “hiiii”  
John: Oh, uh, tell her I said “hiiii” back.  
John: By the way have you talked to Dave? He’s not answering my messages.  
Rose: I talked to him earlier today. He might be out looking for his copy of the server.  
John: So Jade didn’t have it?  
Rose: Apparently Bec may have taken possession of it and buried it for safekeeping.  
John: That Bec!  
Rose: Indeed.  
John: That’s probably what he’s dealing with then.  
John: Have you figured out what order we’re playing in yet?  
Rose: Still working on it. Dave not having both disks might have thrown a wrench into my plans.  
John: Well I think I’m going to try to talk to Dave again and see if he needs help finding the disk.  
Rose: And I’ll get back to planning our entry.

 

* * *

 

 

You are now DAVE STRIDER and one of your FRIENDS is trying to get ahold of you, but you’re not up for talking to him yet. Damn Rose.

EB: hey dave did jade have the disk?  
EB: dave?  
EB: I guess you’re busy!  
EB: hey dave are you back yet?  
EB: i guess not  
EB: Rose told me you’re looking for your disk still  
EB: and that bec might have buried it!  
EB: he sure is a rowdy dog huh?  
EB: well when you get back on let me know if you want help looking for it!

You put away your PHONE and continue heading downstairs and outside. Sure enough, there’s a FRESH MOUND OF DIRT. Damn Bec. That is so not something you want to deal with right now. Your SISTER waves at you from her TREEHOUSE and you wave back before heading back inside and to your computer.

TG: hey thanks but i’m pretty sure i know where it is  
EB: buried?  
TG: buried  
EB: well if you need help digging it up  
TG: nah i’ll do it here after a bit  
TG: i just  
TG: dont want to deal with that right now  
EB: fair enough!

An invite pops up for a group chat from Rose.

 

TG: did you get an invite too  
EB: yeah  
TG: guess i’ll see you over there

You switch over to the group chat.

TG: yo  
GG: Hi Dave!!  
EB: hey!  
GG: Hi John!!!  
TT: Now that we’re all here. I have our chain order.  
TT: I will start us off by connecting with John, who will connect with Jade, who will connect with Dave, who will connect with me  
TT: That way Dave has time to find his server disk  
TG: sweet  
EB: sounds good!  
GG: I’m so excited!!!  
TT: John, when you’re ready, get to your treehouse and start the client program and I’ll connect with you  
EB: I’ll head there now!  
GG: okay let me know when you need me!  
TG: i guess i’ll just chill until you need me  
GG: GO DIG UP THE GAME!!!  >:O  
TG: god fine  
TT: Thank you for your cooperation.

You exit the group chat. You’re sure as hell waiting as long as possible to dig up that game.


	6. Let the Game Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Digging happens. So do shenanigans.

You are JOHN EGBERT  and you are in your TREEHOUSE waiting for Rose to connect with you. You can tells she does when items begin moving around your treehouse on their own.

EB: what are you doing?  
TT: Making room for some machinery. There are several devices to be deployed.   


She deploys one and it’s… smaller than you expected?

TT: Hm. I thought these were going to be bigger. Maybe it recognized you are not in a proper house?

She deploys a few more, then clears off space from your PRANKING STATION, accidentally dumping all of your BLUEPRINTS and PLANS out the window.

EB: Hey!  
EB: be careful!  
TT: Oops

She places some supports below your treehouse then starts adding onto it.

TT: You can go ahead and connect with Jade  
TT: This might take a while to build  
EB: okay!

You get ahold of Jade while your treehouse grows and shifts around you.

EB: hey jade!  
GG: hey john!!  
GG: are you ready to connect already??  
EB: yes!  
GG: :D

You connect with Jade and you see what Rose meant about things taking a while. There are a lot of things to deploy! You tell Jade to go ahead and start connecting to Dave. You see her look out her window to call down to Dave who is surely digging up his server copy of Sburb. You can almost hear the digging sounds now!

Actually you do definitely hear digging sounds.

You look out your window to see a floating shovel digging a patch of ground in front of a headstone.

EB: rose what are you doing??  
TT: Avoiding the hard labor of digging  
TT: It looks like we will have an option to prototype a sprite  
TT: When it gets to my turn, I want to have Jaspers here and ready instead of stuck in your session  
EB: …  
EB: okay

You shake your head and look back at what Jade is up to. Looks like she is angrily typing to someone. Probably Dave since you don’t see him out there digging.

But Rose did give you an idea.

EB: how’s getting the disk going?  
TG: oh you know  
TG: rad as fuck  
TG: just  
TG: so much digging happening up in here  
EB: sure  
EB: hey what if i were to dig it up for you  
TG: nah i got it its almost all dug up  
EB: i’m connected to jade  
EB: i can clearly see you’re not out there  
TG: oh  
TG: damn  
EB: i can dig it up without much trouble  
TG: oh then yeah go ahead

You look for something to dig the game up with and find one next to Jade’s garden over by her treehouse. You grab it and bring it over to the recently disturbed ground, but there’s an invisible barrier blocking you from getting to it.

EB: uh oh  
TG: what  
EB: looks like it’s too close to the house  
EB: you’ll have to get jade to do it when she’s connected with you  
TG: yeah she’s connected now  
TG: putting all these huge devices everywhere  
TG: messing with my shit  
TG: had me make this egg thing  
TG: ill ask her  
EB: okay!  
TG: yeah uh  
TG: she says its my own fault i lost it so i have to get   
TG: i guess…. ill go do that  
TG: later  
EB: okay later!

 

* * *

 

 

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you’re heading OUTSIDE to DIG to get your GAME now that everyone else has CONNECTED. You open the back door when your mom is coming through the front from work. Bec bounds in with her.

Joey: He was outside again. We really need to kennel train him, even if I still don’t know how he keeps getting out!  
Dave: Yeah, he--

But you’re cut off as Bec jumps on top of you and suddenly you’re in Rose’s room.

Rose: What the--

Then Bec runs into her and she’s transported away, too.

GG: I hope you don’t mind, but I found this poor birdy and I used the sprite thing to bring him back to life!!!  
GG: isn’t that so cool???  
GG: also did you notice that timer on the device that released the sprite??  
GG: looks like there's five minutes left until...something  
GG: also that egg thing is hatching!!  
GG: :O  
GG: DAVE  
GG: our house is gone!!!!!!!

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and something tells you today is going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'm taking some liberties with the game mechanics because I really don't want to write it all out.


	7. Sprite Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sprites are prototyped. Games are entered. Events are set into motion.

You are ROSE LALONDE and you have just been transported not once but twice in less than a minute. The first time was by a RASCALLY DOG who transported you to your friend, Dave’s house, the second was when the house transported to somewhere else entirely with you in it. Bec, it seems, managed to escape to the BACKYARD with Joey chasing after him before the house was transportalized away. 

The house feels too hot for April and the air conditioning has kicked into high gear. You look outside and see nothing but lava with a few disc-shaped platforms hovering above it.

Just where the hell are you?

Birdsprite: LOHAC

You’re startled by the sudden appearance of a large orange bird-thing as it begins screeching at you.

GG: rose!  
GG: what are you doing in my house??  
TT: I could ask you the same thing.  
TT: I seem to have been magically transported here by your dog before he absconded away.  
TT: After transporting Dave into my room, of course.  
GG: that bec!  
TT: That Bec.  
TT: So.  
TT: Do you know what the deal is with this orange corvid?  
GG: i prototyped him!!  
GG: now he’s okay :D  
TT: I see.  
TT: Do you know why he’s saying “LOHAC” over and over?  
GG: hrm  
GG: maybe that’s all he can say!  
GG: you should prototype him with something else  
TT: I’ll look around and see what I can find.  
TT: But first  
TT: Did Dave ever get his server disk?  
GG: no >:(  
TT: Then I shall retrieve it.  
TT: I suggest you focus on joining me in the game.  
TT: Even if it is rather warm.  
GG: Okay!

And so you set to the awful manual labor of digging.

 

* * *

 

 

You are now JOHN EGBERT and you wish you hadn’t PROTOTYPED your HARLEQUIN DOLL with the SPRITE. It is now busy saying INCOHERENT things at you while you try to help Jade get in the game. It seems to be in a tizzy about the COUNTDOWN on the device it emerged from. It now reads less than TWO MINUTES. But two minutes to what, you don’t know. Between that, the sudden swap out of Dave and Rose, and Jade taking her time to figure out what to prototype her sprite with, you’re QUITE FRUSTRATED. You see a notification from Rose on your computer.

TT: hey john  
TT: whoops

Or not.

TG: sorry forgot to sign into my account on roses laptop  
TG: speaking of rose have you heard if she got that server copy yet  
TG: that clock is making me kinda nervous  
TG: i dont think its counting down to an epic rap off if you know what i mean  
EB: no i haven’t heard from her yet  
TG: wait nevermind  
TG: shit just started appearing in my room  
TG: i mean roses room  
TG: oh yeah shes pestering me now  
TG: why dont you go ahead and get your sweet bro  
TG: i mean sweet ass treehouse over to wherever rose is  
TG: ill be over there soon  
TG: after getting everything set up for you  
TG: rose is like  
TG: hella good at deploying shit now  
EB: okay  
EB: see you soon  
EB: i guess?  
TG: yeah

A small apple had been hanging from a miniature tree created by one of the devices. You grab it and are about to take a bite when you see a message from Rose.

TT: Wait!  
TT: You never opened your present from Jade.  
TT: Let me toss it over to your side so you can get it later.  
EB: oh thanks!  
EB: i still want to wait until jade gets in the game and we meet up  
EB: but at least i will not have to find wherever dave is going to end up first  
TT: Indeed.

You see your present fly out an open window and onto your side of the yard. You pause a second to make sure no one else has anything to say before you head into the game, then you take a bite.

 

* * *

 

 

You are now JADE HARLEY and you finally decided to just go ahead and prototype your sprite with one of your squiddle buddies. You pick it up and are prepared to launch it at the sprite, when you suddenly fall asleep.

The clock ticks down.

 

* * *

 

 

You try to be BECQUEREL but you are unable to. Instead, you merely observe as he watches a METEOR come closer and closer. JADE still isn’t in the game. He looks concerned. Then you see him look at the sprite. He has an idea. He merges with the sprite and flies up to the meteor and destroys it with the power of a FIRST GUARDIAN. He goes back to JADE and watches her as she sleeps.

The clock reaches zero and nothing happens.

 

* * *

 

 

You are now DAVE STRIDER and you are not letting Rose prototype your sprite a second time. You are currently being harassed by an ELDRITCHPRINCESSPRITE who is muttering UNINTELLIGIBLE and vaguely UNSETTLING sounding things. You’re down in the living room with it currently, about to head outside and check out whatever land you were transported to after breaking the bottle. Rose is moving some devices out of the way (what are half of these even for?) when she knocks it against the fireplace next to you, causing an urn to fall into the sprite.

TT: Whoops.

God.

Damnit.

 

* * *

 

 

You are now ROSE LALONDE and you are pestering your brother, JOHN.

TT: So it was my intention to prototype a sprite with my dear departed Jaspers.  
TT: But I made a miscalculation.  
TT: It looks like Jaspers went with you rather than Dave.  
TT: Could you please use your second prototype on Jaspers?  
TT: I already went through the trouble of digging him up, as you know.  
EB: uh i guess?  
TT: Thank you.  
EB: what is dave going to use for his second prototype instead?  
TT: Well do you want the good news or the bad news first on that front?  
EB: uhhh  
EB: the bad news?  
TT: I accidentally already prototyped the sprite a second time.  
TT: Dave is…  
TT: Less than happy with me.  
EB: okay so what is the good news  
TT: It was prototyped with Nana’s ashes, so she is now an eldritch princess prankster giving all sorts of mysterious advice.  
EB: awesome!  
EB: i will have to figure out where dave is and go see nana  
EB: speaking of which  
EB: what do you think all this black stuff is?  
EB: oil?  
TT: I don’t know what black stuff you’re referring to.  
TT: All I see is  
TT: Lava  
EB: weird…  
EB: maybe we are not in the same place after all?  
TT: Perhaps not.  
TT: Dave appears to be in some bright, snowy land.  
EB: huh

You see Nanasprite setting something up in the other window.

TT: Hang on.  
TT: I need to warn Dave as to what is about to transpire.  
EB: okay?

It’s too late. Dave opens the door to leave your house and check out where he ended up and a bucket of water dumps all over him. You watch him stand there for a few moments, drenched in water. You then see him close the door and walk upstairs, presumably to get a towel. His expression is unreadable.

You think Dave is about to have a very long day.


	8. Enemy Spotted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sprite shenanigans. Imps are discovered. Something is lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a shorter one.

You are JOHN EGBERT and you're looking at a MASTERPIECE. You went down to grab your present and prototype your sprite a second time and when you turned around to head back up to your treehouse (that was starting to look more like a proper, if tall, house as Dave built onto it) you saw it. Dave had painted a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic onto your house. At least, a panel from one.

John: Pure genius.    
Jaspersprite: Where's Rose?  
John: Will you shut up about that? You were my cat, too, you know.   
Jaspersprite: I miss Rose.   
John: Ugh.   
John: I wonder how Dave is doing with Nanasprite?   
  
  


* * *

 

 

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you have had it up to HERE with mysterious grandmotherly advice. And PRANKS. Man you hate PRANKS. Nanasprite is trying to pull one on you right now you can tell. 

Nanasprite: The answer for what you need to do next is right in here!  
Dave: In the oven?  
Nanasprite: Yes!  
Dave: You're going to throw something in my face.   
Nanasprite: No! I am merely trying to deliver information about your quest!  
Dave: Which is in the oven.   
Nanasprite: Yes!  
Dave: Whatever. Fine. 

You open the oven.

A cake smashes into your face.

You close the oven.

Nanasprite: Hoo hoo hoo!

 

* * *

 

 

You are JOHN again. You're sure Dave is having a blast with Nanasprite. You really need to check on Jade, though. Did she ever prototype her sprite?

It looks like she prototyped it with Bec. You suppose you can't judge since Rose had you prototype your deceased cat. It looks like she fell asleep right after doing that. That goober! You go ahead and prepare her entry item, a tree, like yours, but with a Bec head shaped pinata hanging from it. You’ll let her sleep for now. Looks like the timer went down and nothing really happened, so you guess Dave was paranoid for nothing.

You notice something out the corner of your eye.

You turn around and there’s a weird GLITCHY IMP in your room and it has your PRESENT! Gosh darn it, you haven’t had time to make any cool weapons yet, and now there’s a weird monster stealing your stuff! You throw a HAMMER at it, but it glitches and disappears before the hammer makes contact. With your present!

EB: jade i am really sorry  
EB: a monster came and took the present you got me and disappeared :(  
EB: which sounds like a fake thing now that i am typing it out  
EB: but i swear it really did happen

You suppose she’ll see that when she wakes up.

You click to the group chat next.

EB: hey all we should probably focus on making weapons and stuff  
EB: i do not know if you have noticed but it looks like there are glitchy imps or something here  
EB: so we should be prepared to fight them off  
EB: it might be hard though  
EB: they appear to be a slippery bunch  
TT: Noted.  
TG: cool lets make some sick gear  
CG: ITS NOT GOING TO WORK  
EB: how did you get in here??  
CG: BECAUSE IM MUCH BETTER AND SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU  
CG: YOU WENT AND FUCKED UP BY PROTOTYPING YOUR OVERPOWERED LUSUS  
CG: YOURE GOING TO NEED ONE HELL OF A WEAPON TO DO ANY DAMAGE TO THEM  
TG: whatever you say dude  
CG: FINE DONT HEED MY WARNING  
CG: GO IN UNPREPARED AND GET YOURSELVES KILLED  
CG: NO MEAT BURLAP OFF MY BACK

You block the intruder.

EB: anyway…  
EB: hopefully jade will see this message when she wakes up so she’ll be prepared as well  
TT: And while I don’t necessarily agree with the troll or his methods or conversing  
TT: Perhaps making as high level equipment as possible would be prudent.  
TT: Especially if these imps are as slippery as you say.  
EB: yeah i guess  
EB: by the way, dave  
EB: how is it going with my dear old nanasprite?  
TG: oh uh  
TG: great  
TG: really just  
TG: really fucking great  
EB: nice!  
EB: i am really jealous  
TT: And how is dear old Jaspersprite?  
EB: ugh he will not stop asking for you  
TT: I miss him dearly.  
EB: he definitely misses you too  
TT: I am still wondering what to prototype my, or I guess, Dave’s sprite with a second time.  
TG: do lil cal  
TG: it will be fucking hilarious  
TT: I will take that under serious consideration.  
TT: For now, though, let us create  
TG: yeah its about to be motherfucking christmas up in here


	9. Alchemize This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The alpha timeline is preserved.

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you’re ALCHEMIZING shit with your best bud, John. He fought off an IMP at his treehouse and ended up with you when he defeated it. He decided to chill with you for a bit before hitting an imp repeatedly to take him back to his place.

It’s been a while since just the two of you hung out so you’re pretty STOKED but also WEIRDLY NERVOUS.

John: Man it’s so good to be hanging out with you!   
John: Just us two bros.   
John: Just two dudes hanging out being guys.   
John: What could be better?

Maybe it’s because he’s been saying stuff like that on repeat for the past ten minutes.

Dave: You know you can leave if you want to get back to your quest or whatever.   
John: What? No! What ever gave you the impression I wanted to do that?   
Dave: I don’t know, just thought I’d throw that out there in case that was a thing.   
Dave: I think I’m almost done alchemizing anyway so it’s not a huge deal.   
John: But it’s been so long since we hung out just mano a mano!   
Dave: Yeah.   
Dave: All I’m saying is you don’t have to stay longer than you want to.   
John: Noted!

You think he does want to scram for whatever reason, but you’re not going to make him. You focus on alchemizing more things. Apparently those imps really are tough to kill so you gotta make the best thing you possible can. Sord probably won’t cut it (heh). You reach to grab it and check out how shitty it is at the same time John does, to do the same, you suppose.

Your hands touch.

You expect John to pull away but he doesn’t. He just stares at your hands. Then he looks at you.

Shit.

Fuck.

What do you do?

What do you say?

All you can do is stare back at him.

Did you inch closer or did he?

Shit.

Shit.

SHIT.

And then you hear yourself say something, but you aren’t actually the one who said it.

FDave: Oh no you don’t.

John jerks away. You’re not sure if you’re disappointed or relieved.

John: Dave???  
John: But…  
John: Hm.  
FDave: I’m from the future here to save your butts.  
FDave: Don’t answer that troll.   
John: What troll?

John’s phone buzzes with a new notification.

John: It’s GC. Says she has a shortcut?   
FDave: She doesn’t. It’s a suicide mission. Don’t do it.

John looks conflicted, as though a suicide mission might be very nice right about now.

Dave: Hey if my future self says it’s a bad idea, we should probably listen to him.   
John: I….

He puts his phone away.

John: You are right. You are my best bud so if you and future you say it is a bad idea to go, I will not go.   
FDave: Sweet.   
FDave: Oh and here’s some better gear than whatever the fuck I was making at this point.

He tosses a few swords at your feet.

FDave: Anyway I have another butt to save, see you later.

And with that, he hits the nearest imp and transports away, leaving the two of you alone again.

Dave: So that was, uh, weird.  
John: Yeah haha.  
John: Good to see future you is still too cool for explanations of any kind.   
Dave: What...   
Dave: What does that mean?

John blushes as though he hadn’t realized what he said.

John: Sometimes you just say things that could use some further clarification but you never explain yourself.   
Dave: Like what?   
John: Hehe.  
John: Um.   
John: Well now that you have put me on the spot I can’t think of anything.   
John: But trust me, you do.   
Dave: Okay.   
Dave: But you still think I’m cool?   
John: Yeah, I still think you’re cool.

He smiles at you and your heart races and you don’t know why. You’re lying to yourself. You do know why.

Fuck.

* * *

 

You are now ROSE LALONDE and Dave just showed up right as you were about to prototype Lil Cal. Not like you had any better ideas.

FDave: Oh, no you don’t.   
Rose: No I don’t what?   
Rose: To what do I owe this surprise visit?   
FDave: Short version: I’m from the future and here to stop you from making a huge mistake.   
Rose: I see.   
Rose: Prototyping this doll does not go well I take it?   
FDave: Let me just say your future self almost stabbed out her own ears with knitting needles.   
Rose: Hm.   
Rose: Troubling indeed.   
Rose: What do you suggest I use in his place?   
FDave: Simple.

He runs at the sprite and jumps to meet it in mid-air.

Davesprite: Me.

* * *

 

You are now JADE HARLEY and your BROTHER is a BIRD!

GG: dave!!!   
GG: why did you prototype yourself???   
TG: i did what now   
TG: oh that must have been myself from the future   
TG: its chill hes not me   
TG: guess prototyping lil cal didnt go so well   
GG: oh okay!!   
GG: i’m not sure i really understand but i’m glad that’s not really you!   
TG: nope still completely human not a weird bird sprite thing.   
TG: are you in the game yet   
GG: not yet   
GG: i just woke up >:P   
TG: cool   
TG: before you come in you might want to make some sweet shit   
TG: the imps are hella op   
GG: okay!   
GG: that sounds fun!!   
TG: its pretty dope   
TG: just be careful okay   
GG: okay!

You cease pestering Dave (who is not a bird) and look over the things in your treehouse, wondering what to make first.

And then you see it.

Your bb gun.

Time to make the rifle Joey would never let you have!


End file.
